I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize