Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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