I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
