he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
