do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
