I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
