she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
