Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
