1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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