I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You have to summon your inner elephant
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize