I wish I only lived at night.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
