I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize