We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
