Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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