Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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