Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
