what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
