Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
