these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
