ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize