i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
