The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
