you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
