So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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