Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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