just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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