apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
