definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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