Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
