yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
