She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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