we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
