im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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