I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
