I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
