K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
