So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
