What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
