The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I smell stomach acid.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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