My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
