It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
