omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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