So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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