If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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