Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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