his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She bit a glass in half.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize