i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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