Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
not ubering you a puppy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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