Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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