He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
