You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
