we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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