He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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