Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
