I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize