i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize