Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize