Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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