yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize