i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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