its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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