Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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