Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
