dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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