Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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