I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
