Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
