I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
