Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
