She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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