i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
