I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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