As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
